So much bullshit, so little time.

Recently, a conservative-leaning friend posted a political cartoon mocking how progressives act when it comes to choice.  The gist was, the only choice progressives care about is if we can freely murder babies (I’m paraphrasing), but they want to outlaw anyone else’s choices.  Charming.  Once I finished my eye roll and prepared to continue scrolling, I noticed a mutual friend had commented.  

It was one paragraph, but holy hell was there a lot of venom and hyperbole packed into it.  I read it a couple of times in an attempt to wrap my head around what this guy is actually saying.  I decided to unbox it, point-by-point…

1. “EXACTLY.”
— The use of all caps tells me this cartoon spoke to him on a visceral level.

2. “The left doesn’t believe in ‘choice.’ In fact, they HATE choice. They use that word for killing children…”
— Ah, here’s where we’re painted as baby killers.  I’m going to go ahead and assume he’s never even wondered as to why a woman would make that choice, and he doesn’t get that a decision that painful and personal is none of the government’s business.  Nope, his interpretation of the 2000 year old book he blindly follows tells him it’s wrong, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

3. “…but they’re against your right to choose to own a gun (which is in the freaking Constitution, by the way)…”
— Yes, I’ve read the Constitution (and the Federalist Papers regarding the Second Amendment, which explain exactly what the Founders meant by “A well regulated militia…”).  Get your panties out of a knot, no one is trying to ban guns.  Sheesh.

4. “…pick where your child goes to school…”
— I’m all for school choice.  If you *choose* to send your kid to a private school, *you* should pay for it. 

5. “…rent to whom you choose, serve or not serve who you choose at your place of business…”
— Oh, so you think it’s cool that people should be legally permitted to discriminate against other people.  Good to know.  Let me know how you feel when your daughter is refused service in a Muslim-owned business because she’s not following their rules or some other nonsense.  I’m not so sure that you’ll be supporting the “religious freedom” of *that* business owner.

6. “…choose the mascot of your choice for your sports team…”
— Sure, because American minority groups should be honored that people are still defending the racist characatures that are used for fun an profit in our sports leagues.  Thumbs up, I’m sure.

7. “The left hates choice, unless it’s their choice.”
— Eye roll for days dot JPEG. 🙄

I guess a reaction such as this is my fault for not empathizing enough with the plight of the straight, white, Christian-American male.  You know, those guys who still seem to make all the rules, but are the most persecuted demographic in America.  Sorry, my bad.  I’ll try harder, I promise. 🤞🏻

Decision 2020: #MLT2020

Normally, if I heard someone start talking about the next presidential election within two months of the last inauguration, I’d consider lighting them on fire.  But, as the first two months of the von Tweeto administration has shown us, THIS SHIT ISN’T NORMAL.

As we sit and watch the ever growing dumpster fire in DC, many Democrats, like myself, wonder who will be out standard bearer in 2020.  Cory Booker?  Julian or Joaquin Castro?  Caroline Kennedy?  We simply don’t know, and as our shock and horror grows watching von Tweeto and his buddies, I thought to myself… Christ, my left tit could do a better job than this asshole.

THAT’S IT.  

Sure, I know it sounds crazy, but there are a lot of upsides to My Left Tit:

  • My Left Tit believes in equality for everyone.
  • My Left Tit thinks we need to invest in infrastructure.  We can’t have sagging bridges.
  • My Left Tit doesn’t have any shady foreign entanglements to worry about.
  • My Left Tit believes in a robust public education system.
  • My Left Tit doesn’t talk like the comment section of a Breitbart article.  In fact, My Left Tit would never say anything that would make David Duke happy.
  • My Left Tit believes in climate change, and thinks we should lead the world in combating it.

See, My Left Tit is the perfect candidate, and a long way better than the boob that’s currently occupying the Oval Office.

So remember: Vote My Left Tit in 2020.  Let’s put a better boob in the White House.

Official Internet Argument Disclaimer 

When I get involved in an internet argument with someone (usually some dude, 40+, who identifies as a “straight, white Christian”), these folks follow roughly the same playbook. It starts with hurling the liberal label at me as though it’s an insult, followed by accusations that either I hate my country and love terrorists, or that I am a proponent of infantcide (depending on the argument), and generally ends with dismissive memes or statements that stop just short of name calling. Adorable.
Allow me to save you all some trouble…

When it comes to being referred to as a liberal, I consider that a compliment, asshole. You can’t insult me with that self-applied label. Besides, as much and as often as you’ve probably told me about your “Christian faith and/or values”, I’m surprised you’ve never noticed that Jesus was a pretty liberal guy, too.
Next, when discussing matters related to women’s reproductive health and wellbeing, what you believe is irrelevant. I personally give exactly zero fucks on how the interpretation of the Bible that you choose to follow has molded your views of abortion. It is a safe, legal medical procedure, and it should be available to any woman who chooses it. How fucking dare you think that your religious beliefs, over the beliefs of every other citizen, should shape our laws, especially when it comes to such a personal decision? Nah, fuck that.
You can copy and paste that last paragraph and replace “abortion” with “gay marriage”, “trans rights”, and any other legislation you want based on your religion. Nope.
Lastly, if we’re discussing President von Tweeto’s latest xenophobic and/or racist executive order, please know I have actually researched the refugee resettlement process, and I’m not worried about Syrian refugees. Also, if you’re going to hit me with some bullshit about priorities involving the needs of homeless vets, I ask that you kindly let me know how many homeless vets you’ll be moving into your house to back up your convictions. Thanks in advance.
If you’ve made it this far, perhaps now we can try to have a fact-based discussion.

Probably not, though, but it was worth a shot.

A letter to my granddaughter…

Well, hello there, Sara Jane!  Look at you, all squishy and brand new.  Adorable.

Look, I’ve got some expectations to set with you, so let’s get started…

First, Grandma likes to swear – a lot.  There is going to come a time where you may question my ability to form a complete sentence.  This is normal, just ask your mom and Aunt Zarah.  I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to tell you about it.

Next, Grandma is a nerd, like, big time.  I have a whole lot of nerd toys that, to be completely honest, you’re not going to get to play with.  To be fair, even I don’t play with these toys…I just like to look at them.  Don’t worry, I’m sure Grandpa and I will have plenty of toys here that you will be able to play with, just, uh, not these ones.

While we’re being honest, when you are old enough, Grandpa and I are going to spoil the ever loving shit out of you when we take you to our favorite place on earth, Disney World.  You want Mickey Ears?  Done.  Bibbity Bobbity Boutique?  You bet.  Jedi Training Academy?  OH HELL YESSSSSSS.

To be sure, I would never try to tell you that everything is going to be rainbows and unicorns from here on out, but you should always know that you are loved by a whole bunch of people, no matter what.

Now, rest up, young padawan, you’ll be enrolled in Jedi Training Academy in about seven or eight years, and you’ll need your strength.

Love, 

Your super young Grandma.

Good riddance, 2016.  Happy New Year, Bitches!

Tonight, we all get to watch as 2016 finally dies as it gives birth to 2017.  Here’s to hoping that next year is a helluva lot better than this one was.  Enjoy some Garth Brooks lyrics…

The Change

One hand 
Reaches out 

And pulls a lost soul from harm 

While a thousand more go unspoken for 

They say what good have you done 

By saving just this one 

It’s like whispering a prayer 

In the fury of a storm 
And I hear them saying you’ll never change things 

And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing 

But it’s not the world that I am changing 

I do this so this world will know 

That it will not change me 
This heart 

Still believes 

The love and mercy still exist 

While all the hatred rage and so many say 

That love is all but pointless in madness such as this 

It’s like trying to stop a fire 

With the moisture from a kiss 
And I hear them saying you’ll never change things 

And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing 

But it’s not the world that I am changing 

I do this so this world will know 

That it will not change me 
As long as one heart still holds on 

Then hope is never really gone 
I hear them saying you’ll never change things 

And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing 

But it’s not the world that I am changing 

I do this so this world we know 

Never changes me 
What I do is so 

This world will know 

That it will not change me

If they block you, does that mean you won the argument?

For folks who supported the “winning” candidate, the followers of Cheeto Jesus can be an awfully butt hurt bunch,  especially when called out about less than desirable behavior on the Interwebs.  Case in point:  A friend from high school either shared a meme I had recently posted, or just coincidentally posted the same one.  On many of these anti-Cheeto Jesus posts, a certain not-so-like minded friend of this friend shares their thoughts in a manner that is reminiscent of the comment section on a Breitbart “news” article.  His comments centered around how the Democrats “got their ass handed to them” (they didn’t) and also how Cheeto Jesus won in “a blowout” (not so much). 

Another commenter and I were, for the most part, either politely offering facts (gasp!) to refute his argument, or asking fact-based questions, both of which he chose to ignore as he continued to focus on, in his view, how the Democrats essentially labeled Cheeto Jesus supporters as racists, and that’s why they lost.  Now, to be clear, to this point, neither I, nor the other commenter, so much as came anywhere near doing that.  That’s where the third commenter comes into play.

Our third mystery guest decided to check out the gentleman’s Facebook profile and, took some screenshots of the both racist and sexist memes that were on proud display (I will not be sharing those.  Ew.).  After a brief back and forth regarding the source of the memes (“Someone else posted them.”), and how one can deal with unwanted posts on their wall (Newsflash: You can delete it if you don’t like it), here comes the “see my point of view” plea…


Now, I was midway through my response to this when I was blocked, but this was the reply I wished he’d seen:

Well, let’s see:

1. You supported, and continue to defend, a candidate who ran on a platform of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and fake populism.

2. You allow racist and sexist content to remain on your feed, unchecked and unchallenged.

3. By your “oh, please understand why I’m an angry old white guy” comment, you continue to spew the same less-than-fact-based way of thinking that fuels the perception of you that some of us now have.

4. “Change your mind”? Please, any time I’ve seen you reply to something (mutual friend) posts, whether I choose to respond or not, someone presents facts to you, and, much like Cheeto Jesus and his other followers, the reply is always “biased liberal media”. You don’t want your mind to be changed, as is apparent by your continued support of Cheeto Jesus.

5. One might think that if you’re upset for being labeled an “old white racist”, you would look at your behavior to see why that is. Clearly, you’ve chosen another path by saying “why the hell should we care anymore?”
I’ve heard it said that, when you know better, you do better. Try that sometime.

And that’s it.  That’s what I believe – if someone says that you’re exhibiting a less than desirable behavior, maybe analyze why that is, instead of defending it.  Trust me, I know I can be an asshole, but I do actively try not to be.  We all should.  We’re all better off when that happens.

Happy holidays, fuckers. 😄

Dear Women for Trump…

For the past couple of days, I’ve seen a few posts and overheard a few conversations where women who voted for Trump are bemoaning that people are “being mean” to them because of their vote.  Well, tough shit.

Why do I say tough shit?  Why am I not offering a warm, inclusive, liberal shoulder to cry on?  Maybe because your vote for Trump says tough shit to the feelings and concerns of millions of Americans, especially women, people of color, and the LGBT community.  And really, how can you be surprised by these reactions?  I’m relatively certain that, like me, many of these folks you say are hurting your feelings now were pretty upfront about their opinions about Trump from the beginning.  We’ve been practically begging you to help us keep him out of the White House.  What was your response to us?  Tough shit.

To the estimated twenty million people who stand to lose their health insurance if the ACA is repealed – tough shit.

To the millions of Muslim Americans who are now facing increasing incidents of violence and harassment – tough shit.

To the millions of people of color who face a promised, unconstitutional and discriminatory national stop and frisk policy – tough shit.

To the millions of LGBT Americans who stand to have their civil rights stripped from them – tough shit.

To the millions of low income women who rely on Planned Parenthood for their healthcare – tough shit.

You see, your vote for Trump has legitimized so many truly horrific parts of human behavior.  Seriously, the fucking KKK is planning a victory rally in North Carolina.  It’s now cool to grab women by the pussy without their consent, apparently, because you supported it.  Forming a circle around Latino middle school kids and chanting “build a wall”?  You are good to go.  What about those kids’ feelings?  Your vote tells them tough shit.

So, no, right now if you tell me that someone was “mean” to you when you told them that you voted for Trump, I am not your soft place to fall.  If your feelings are hurt, well, tough shit.  After all, that’s what you told all women with that vote.

For the time being, you can call me Petty White, because I’m Not Ready to Make Nice.