Well, hello there, Sara Jane! Look at you, all squishy and brand new. Adorable.
Look, I’ve got some expectations to set with you, so let’s get started…
First, Grandma likes to swear – a lot. There is going to come a time where you may question my ability to form a complete sentence. This is normal, just ask your mom and Aunt Zarah. I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to tell you about it.
Next, Grandma is a nerd, like, big time. I have a whole lot of nerd toys that, to be completely honest, you’re not going to get to play with. To be fair, even I don’t play with these toys…I just like to look at them. Don’t worry, I’m sure Grandpa and I will have plenty of toys here that you will be able to play with, just, uh, not these ones.
While we’re being honest, when you are old enough, Grandpa and I are going to spoil the ever loving shit out of you when we take you to our favorite place on earth, Disney World. You want Mickey Ears? Done. Bibbity Bobbity Boutique? You bet. Jedi Training Academy? OH HELL YESSSSSSS.
To be sure, I would never try to tell you that everything is going to be rainbows and unicorns from here on out, but you should always know that you are loved by a whole bunch of people, no matter what.
Now, rest up, young padawan, you’ll be enrolled in Jedi Training Academy in about seven or eight years, and you’ll need your strength.
Your super young Grandma.