So much bullshit, so little time.

Recently, a conservative-leaning friend posted a political cartoon mocking how progressives act when it comes to choice.  The gist was, the only choice progressives care about is if we can freely murder babies (I’m paraphrasing), but they want to outlaw anyone else’s choices.  Charming.  Once I finished my eye roll and prepared to continue scrolling, I noticed a mutual friend had commented.  

It was one paragraph, but holy hell was there a lot of venom and hyperbole packed into it.  I read it a couple of times in an attempt to wrap my head around what this guy is actually saying.  I decided to unbox it, point-by-point…

— The use of all caps tells me this cartoon spoke to him on a visceral level.

2. “The left doesn’t believe in ‘choice.’ In fact, they HATE choice. They use that word for killing children…”
— Ah, here’s where we’re painted as baby killers.  I’m going to go ahead and assume he’s never even wondered as to why a woman would make that choice, and he doesn’t get that a decision that painful and personal is none of the government’s business.  Nope, his interpretation of the 2000 year old book he blindly follows tells him it’s wrong, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

3. “…but they’re against your right to choose to own a gun (which is in the freaking Constitution, by the way)…”
— Yes, I’ve read the Constitution (and the Federalist Papers regarding the Second Amendment, which explain exactly what the Founders meant by “A well regulated militia…”).  Get your panties out of a knot, no one is trying to ban guns.  Sheesh.

4. “…pick where your child goes to school…”
— I’m all for school choice.  If you *choose* to send your kid to a private school, *you* should pay for it. 

5. “…rent to whom you choose, serve or not serve who you choose at your place of business…”
— Oh, so you think it’s cool that people should be legally permitted to discriminate against other people.  Good to know.  Let me know how you feel when your daughter is refused service in a Muslim-owned business because she’s not following their rules or some other nonsense.  I’m not so sure that you’ll be supporting the “religious freedom” of *that* business owner.

6. “…choose the mascot of your choice for your sports team…”
— Sure, because American minority groups should be honored that people are still defending the racist characatures that are used for fun an profit in our sports leagues.  Thumbs up, I’m sure.

7. “The left hates choice, unless it’s their choice.”
— Eye roll for days dot JPEG. 🙄

I guess a reaction such as this is my fault for not empathizing enough with the plight of the straight, white, Christian-American male.  You know, those guys who still seem to make all the rules, but are the most persecuted demographic in America.  Sorry, my bad.  I’ll try harder, I promise. 🤞🏻


Decision 2020: #MLT2020

Normally, if I heard someone start talking about the next presidential election within two months of the last inauguration, I’d consider lighting them on fire.  But, as the first two months of the von Tweeto administration has shown us, THIS SHIT ISN’T NORMAL.

As we sit and watch the ever growing dumpster fire in DC, many Democrats, like myself, wonder who will be out standard bearer in 2020.  Cory Booker?  Julian or Joaquin Castro?  Caroline Kennedy?  We simply don’t know, and as our shock and horror grows watching von Tweeto and his buddies, I thought to myself… Christ, my left tit could do a better job than this asshole.


Sure, I know it sounds crazy, but there are a lot of upsides to My Left Tit:

  • My Left Tit believes in equality for everyone.
  • My Left Tit thinks we need to invest in infrastructure.  We can’t have sagging bridges.
  • My Left Tit doesn’t have any shady foreign entanglements to worry about.
  • My Left Tit believes in a robust public education system.
  • My Left Tit doesn’t talk like the comment section of a Breitbart article.  In fact, My Left Tit would never say anything that would make David Duke happy.
  • My Left Tit believes in climate change, and thinks we should lead the world in combating it.

See, My Left Tit is the perfect candidate, and a long way better than the boob that’s currently occupying the Oval Office.

So remember: Vote My Left Tit in 2020.  Let’s put a better boob in the White House.

Official Internet Argument Disclaimer 

When I get involved in an internet argument with someone (usually some dude, 40+, who identifies as a “straight, white Christian”), these folks follow roughly the same playbook. It starts with hurling the liberal label at me as though it’s an insult, followed by accusations that either I hate my country and love terrorists, or that I am a proponent of infantcide (depending on the argument), and generally ends with dismissive memes or statements that stop just short of name calling. Adorable.
Allow me to save you all some trouble…

When it comes to being referred to as a liberal, I consider that a compliment, asshole. You can’t insult me with that self-applied label. Besides, as much and as often as you’ve probably told me about your “Christian faith and/or values”, I’m surprised you’ve never noticed that Jesus was a pretty liberal guy, too.
Next, when discussing matters related to women’s reproductive health and wellbeing, what you believe is irrelevant. I personally give exactly zero fucks on how the interpretation of the Bible that you choose to follow has molded your views of abortion. It is a safe, legal medical procedure, and it should be available to any woman who chooses it. How fucking dare you think that your religious beliefs, over the beliefs of every other citizen, should shape our laws, especially when it comes to such a personal decision? Nah, fuck that.
You can copy and paste that last paragraph and replace “abortion” with “gay marriage”, “trans rights”, and any other legislation you want based on your religion. Nope.
Lastly, if we’re discussing President von Tweeto’s latest xenophobic and/or racist executive order, please know I have actually researched the refugee resettlement process, and I’m not worried about Syrian refugees. Also, if you’re going to hit me with some bullshit about priorities involving the needs of homeless vets, I ask that you kindly let me know how many homeless vets you’ll be moving into your house to back up your convictions. Thanks in advance.
If you’ve made it this far, perhaps now we can try to have a fact-based discussion.

Probably not, though, but it was worth a shot.