Normally, if I heard someone start talking about the next presidential election within two months of the last inauguration, I’d consider lighting them on fire. But, as the first two months of the von Tweeto administration has shown us, THIS SHIT ISN’T NORMAL.
As we sit and watch the ever growing dumpster fire in DC, many Democrats, like myself, wonder who will be out standard bearer in 2020. Cory Booker? Julian or Joaquin Castro? Caroline Kennedy? We simply don’t know, and as our shock and horror grows watching von Tweeto and his buddies, I thought to myself… Christ, my left tit could do a better job than this asshole.
Sure, I know it sounds crazy, but there are a lot of upsides to My Left Tit:
- My Left Tit believes in equality for everyone.
- My Left Tit thinks we need to invest in infrastructure. We can’t have sagging bridges.
- My Left Tit doesn’t have any shady foreign entanglements to worry about.
- My Left Tit believes in a robust public education system.
- My Left Tit doesn’t talk like the comment section of a Breitbart article. In fact, My Left Tit would never say anything that would make David Duke happy.
- My Left Tit believes in climate change, and thinks we should lead the world in combating it.
See, My Left Tit is the perfect candidate, and a long way better than the boob that’s currently occupying the Oval Office.
So remember: Vote My Left Tit in 2020. Let’s put a better boob in the White House.