Tag Archives: Trump

Captain von Trapp would be so disappointed.

One of my favorite GIFs on the web is the one of Captain von Trapp, finally home from his month-long honeymoon only to find that the Anschluss had occurred in his absence, and the flag of the Third Reich now hangs on his home. In this epic GIF, Captain von Trapp is tearing the Nazi rag in half, and dramatically so. Hope you've had a nice time shagging the (former) nun, Captain, because shit's about to get real.

Clearly, there are those in America who fancy themselves as patriots who haven't learned the lessons that the Greatest Generation lost so much to teach: Nazis are bad, mmmkay? Unfortunately, there are a lot of those pseudo-patriots who took themselves down to Charlottesville this weekend to rally in the defense of a racist, treasonous relic of the Civil War, namely, a statue of Robert E. Lee. What's worse is how they've been emboldened by the support they feel that they're getting from the current POTUS and his administration.

These vermin call themselves American patriots, and yet they fly the colors of enemies that real American patriots have already vanquished. These traitors marched through the streets carrying both Confederate and Nazi flags, and seeking to restore America's greatness by invoking Nazi ideology on her soil. These are the miscreants who believe that white men are the most oppressed demographic in the United States, and they are the leading the revolution to secure their rightful place in American society.

Please.

American greatness is found in our country's diversity. In our welcoming of those from other lands. In our willingness to help those in need. In our belief in truth, justice, and freedom for ALL. American greatness is diminished by the targeting of "others", whether it be for their religion, sexual orientation, immigration status, gender identity, race, or county of origin. American greatness is diminished by the building of walls. American greatness is diminished when he who holds the highest office in the land refuses to condemn the views and actions of literal Nazis on American soil, because those Nazis are the heart and soul of his base.

If you are a person who calls yourself an American and fancy yourself a patriot, but you've either chosen not to condemn literal Nazis marching in Virginia, or you've decided to play the "both sides" game, even when a literal Nazi carried out a terrorist attack with his very American Dodge Charger, just what in the actual fuck is the matter with you?

It's quite simple, really. For me, I'm with Captain von Trapp.

Decision 2020: #MLT2020

Normally, if I heard someone start talking about the next presidential election within two months of the last inauguration, I’d consider lighting them on fire.  But, as the first two months of the von Tweeto administration has shown us, THIS SHIT ISN’T NORMAL.

As we sit and watch the ever growing dumpster fire in DC, many Democrats, like myself, wonder who will be out standard bearer in 2020.  Cory Booker?  Julian or Joaquin Castro?  Caroline Kennedy?  We simply don’t know, and as our shock and horror grows watching von Tweeto and his buddies, I thought to myself… Christ, my left tit could do a better job than this asshole.

THAT’S IT.  

Sure, I know it sounds crazy, but there are a lot of upsides to My Left Tit:

  • My Left Tit believes in equality for everyone.
  • My Left Tit thinks we need to invest in infrastructure.  We can’t have sagging bridges.
  • My Left Tit doesn’t have any shady foreign entanglements to worry about.
  • My Left Tit believes in a robust public education system.
  • My Left Tit doesn’t talk like the comment section of a Breitbart article.  In fact, My Left Tit would never say anything that would make David Duke happy.
  • My Left Tit believes in climate change, and thinks we should lead the world in combating it.

See, My Left Tit is the perfect candidate, and a long way better than the boob that’s currently occupying the Oval Office.

So remember: Vote My Left Tit in 2020.  Let’s put a better boob in the White House.

Official Internet Argument Disclaimer 

When I get involved in an internet argument with someone (usually some dude, 40+, who identifies as a “straight, white Christian”), these folks follow roughly the same playbook. It starts with hurling the liberal label at me as though it’s an insult, followed by accusations that either I hate my country and love terrorists, or that I am a proponent of infantcide (depending on the argument), and generally ends with dismissive memes or statements that stop just short of name calling. Adorable.
Allow me to save you all some trouble…

When it comes to being referred to as a liberal, I consider that a compliment, asshole. You can’t insult me with that self-applied label. Besides, as much and as often as you’ve probably told me about your “Christian faith and/or values”, I’m surprised you’ve never noticed that Jesus was a pretty liberal guy, too.
Next, when discussing matters related to women’s reproductive health and wellbeing, what you believe is irrelevant. I personally give exactly zero fucks on how the interpretation of the Bible that you choose to follow has molded your views of abortion. It is a safe, legal medical procedure, and it should be available to any woman who chooses it. How fucking dare you think that your religious beliefs, over the beliefs of every other citizen, should shape our laws, especially when it comes to such a personal decision? Nah, fuck that.
You can copy and paste that last paragraph and replace “abortion” with “gay marriage”, “trans rights”, and any other legislation you want based on your religion. Nope.
Lastly, if we’re discussing President von Tweeto’s latest xenophobic and/or racist executive order, please know I have actually researched the refugee resettlement process, and I’m not worried about Syrian refugees. Also, if you’re going to hit me with some bullshit about priorities involving the needs of homeless vets, I ask that you kindly let me know how many homeless vets you’ll be moving into your house to back up your convictions. Thanks in advance.
If you’ve made it this far, perhaps now we can try to have a fact-based discussion.

Probably not, though, but it was worth a shot.

If they block you, does that mean you won the argument?

For folks who supported the “winning” candidate, the followers of Cheeto Jesus can be an awfully butt hurt bunch,  especially when called out about less than desirable behavior on the Interwebs.  Case in point:  A friend from high school either shared a meme I had recently posted, or just coincidentally posted the same one.  On many of these anti-Cheeto Jesus posts, a certain not-so-like minded friend of this friend shares their thoughts in a manner that is reminiscent of the comment section on a Breitbart “news” article.  His comments centered around how the Democrats “got their ass handed to them” (they didn’t) and also how Cheeto Jesus won in “a blowout” (not so much). 

Another commenter and I were, for the most part, either politely offering facts (gasp!) to refute his argument, or asking fact-based questions, both of which he chose to ignore as he continued to focus on, in his view, how the Democrats essentially labeled Cheeto Jesus supporters as racists, and that’s why they lost.  Now, to be clear, to this point, neither I, nor the other commenter, so much as came anywhere near doing that.  That’s where the third commenter comes into play.

Our third mystery guest decided to check out the gentleman’s Facebook profile and, took some screenshots of the both racist and sexist memes that were on proud display (I will not be sharing those.  Ew.).  After a brief back and forth regarding the source of the memes (“Someone else posted them.”), and how one can deal with unwanted posts on their wall (Newsflash: You can delete it if you don’t like it), here comes the “see my point of view” plea…


Now, I was midway through my response to this when I was blocked, but this was the reply I wished he’d seen:

Well, let’s see:

1. You supported, and continue to defend, a candidate who ran on a platform of racism, xenophobia, misogyny, and fake populism.

2. You allow racist and sexist content to remain on your feed, unchecked and unchallenged.

3. By your “oh, please understand why I’m an angry old white guy” comment, you continue to spew the same less-than-fact-based way of thinking that fuels the perception of you that some of us now have.

4. “Change your mind”? Please, any time I’ve seen you reply to something (mutual friend) posts, whether I choose to respond or not, someone presents facts to you, and, much like Cheeto Jesus and his other followers, the reply is always “biased liberal media”. You don’t want your mind to be changed, as is apparent by your continued support of Cheeto Jesus.

5. One might think that if you’re upset for being labeled an “old white racist”, you would look at your behavior to see why that is. Clearly, you’ve chosen another path by saying “why the hell should we care anymore?”
I’ve heard it said that, when you know better, you do better. Try that sometime.

And that’s it.  That’s what I believe – if someone says that you’re exhibiting a less than desirable behavior, maybe analyze why that is, instead of defending it.  Trust me, I know I can be an asshole, but I do actively try not to be.  We all should.  We’re all better off when that happens.

Happy holidays, fuckers. 😄